Tuesday, March 25, 2014

To Submit, or Not to Submit?

Okay, so, it’s 2014 and I’ve been waiting to write this blog … since 2012.  I think that I was waiting for the right time or the right situation (a relationship) to present itself.  That, and I was being downright lazy.  As we are settling into 2014, I’ve noticed that tons of my Facebook friends and people that I follow on Instagram are getting engaged and married, and I'm here for all of it.  Do you understand?  ALL OF IT.  I am such a huge fan of love.  I’m in love with the pure, genuine, and unconditional emotion that two people share.  I can’t wait to embark on such a challenging, yet beautiful journey with my future husband.  My opinion on this topic may be void to some because I’ve been single for a while, but I’m voicing it anyway.

On social media, the topics of relationships and the roles of their participants have arisen, especially the topic of dominance vs. submission.  Who dominates and who submits?  Naturally, woman is expected to submit while man leads the relationship.  And naturally, there are people who negate this; I’m not one of them.

During one of my trips to the barbershop, the aforementioned topic was visited.  A woman with her son was asked by one of the barbers, “Would you submit in a relationship?”  Her response was, “Hell naw, I ain’t submittin’ to no man!”  After she said that, I immediately chuckled and one of the other barbers noticed, and then asked me the same question.  I was secretly hoping that he would.  I politely and quietly replied, “Absolutely.”  The woman was shocked and the men applauded.  Because of those reactions, I felt the need to explain myself.  Fortunately, my mom and I had a conversation on this very subject a few weeks prior, so I was well-versed.

When I was a baby, my family attended a church called Bread of Life with J.D. Ford as Head Pastor.  One of his sermons focused on the roles of man and woman in a relationship.  My mother visited it several times during our conversation.  During the sermon, Pastor Ford made it evidently clear that man is dominant and woman is submissive in a successful relationship.  He didn’t mean that man is an egotistical bonehead who rules with an iron fist, and that woman is to be barefoot and pregnant all of the time.  Man is supposed to be a provider, a protector, and a leader.  Woman is supposed to be his support, his strength, and his confidant. 

An analogy used by Pastor Ford regarding submission involved the family unit and the human body.  The family unit is the body while the man is the head.  The head houses the brain, which makes all of the decisions for the body:  from involuntary twitches to the complex activity known as communication.  What supports the head, though?  What connects the head to the body?  That’s right:  the neck.  Woman is, metaphorically, the neck.  She provides support to the man like the neck provides support to the head.  Without it, the head would have no stability.  The head cannot survive without the body just as the body cannot survive without the head. Makes sense, right?
 
Just in case the head-body analogy didn’t work for you, try this one on for size.  Ladies, let’s say that you went on a date with your significant other to the park.  You two are wandering with no cares or worries, just enjoying each other’s company.  When you have no real destination, you walk beside him.  No one is leading anyone.  You’re just taking this aimless stroll together, side-by-side.  Then, you come to a busy sidewalk.  People are constantly walking at different paces.  There are people sitting outside enjoying a meal along your path.  The people, tables, chairs, and even pets become potential obstacles.  What do you do?  Well, one may speculate that you naturally step behind him or he’ll step in front of you, if not both simultaneously, and he’ll lead you through the crowd, hand-in-hand.  He holds your hand tightly and you pull closer so that you won’t separate or get lost.  Without either of you realizing, he becomes your protector, your shield from harm.  If anything happens while passing through this slightly chaotic traffic of people, then he'll take the brunt of it.

Think of your relationship in the same manner.  When you and he make important decisions of which neither knows the outcome, you explore options together, side-by-side.  When barriers pose a threat to you while exploring said options, he takes the lead to provide a solution and to, also, protect the family.  He leads; you follow.

I made this same case-and-point during my barbershop visit, which led to a healthy debate.  I’m not saying that you must submit to man in every relationship.  Not everyone deserves that treatment, but when it’s THAT one, you will, willingly and effortlessly, submit.  Keep in mind that he needs you just as much as you need him, and that sentiment is not to be taken lightly.

Some women believe that men being leaders in a relationship means that he is superior.  Wrong.  Your true mate and you are equally yoked.  The follower is just as important as the leader.  You’re his support and his drive.  A leader would not be without any followers.  Think about it.  Would Dr. Martin Luther King have been as impactful on American history had he walked alone? Would your tweets exist if you had zero followers?  

Your significant other has the weight of the world on his shoulders while you have his weight on yours.  If you take care of him, then he’ll take care of everything else including, no, ESPECIALLY you.  What do I know, though?  I’m just a single, black, 20-something-year old woman who highly believes in empiricism, and that there is still such a thing as true love.

Stay up.  Stay you.

C. sirraH

Thursday, June 28, 2012

BGLH Feature! Still has me geeked :)

OK, so I don't think y'all understand. I have followed BGLH for a long time and to be featured is a complete honor! PLUS, it was one day before my birthday. Such an awesome gift. Anywho, in case you missed it, here it is ....Click the pic *cheeses*


Monday, May 21, 2012

"I am NOT my Hair!" Umm, yes, you are.

“I’ve been natural for three years, seven months, two weeks, and eight hours.” *Checks watch* “Nine hours.”  Have you heard anything similar to that statement?  After hearing that self-proclaimed Declaration of Independence, have you found yourself asking, “Who cares, B?”  Just me?  Oh. 

The wave of sistahs cutting out their relaxers and sporting their natural kinks, waves and curls is sweeping the nation.  It seems like every day a black woman is talking about her hair journey or The BIG Chop (I don’t know all of the terminology).  It’s cool that you have decided to change your look, and no offense, but that’s really all you’ve done. Well, at least to the outside world, that’s all you’ve done.  Don’t you hate when you’ve accomplished something that you feel is so great, but no one cares about the road traveled?  When it seems like no one cares, that’s when you force people to care.  You new, natural chicks:  this one’s for you.
Women with chemical-free hair have taken this transition and have forcibly publicized it.  There was a time when Wannabes were socially accepted and Jigaboos were shunned.  It seems like the reverse has transpired in the second decade of the 21st century.  No lie, it is amazing how the two have flip-flopped, but we’ve seen this before; history only repeats itself. It’s only a matter of time before there’s another switch in what’s acceptable.  New, natural women have taken this newfound liberation and have seemingly started an exclusive hair society (for a lack of better words), excluding those who have relaxers, weaves, and even chemical-free, straightened hair.  “If you don’t have the naps, then you can’t know the haps.” (I JUST came up with that. Pretty groovy, huh?)

The ethnic hair section in stores (which is completely separate from other hair care products, but that’s another blog for another day) has been taken over with oils, creams, butters, and moisturizers for natural hair.  There are traveling seminars that teach women to care for and embrace their kinks, and share their journeys with other women who are just like them and who may actually seem to care.  The internet has exploded with websites, blogs, forums and videos about caring for natural hair.  There’s even a trending topic for #NaturalHair!  Outta control. Chill.
In embracing the naturalness trend that is chemical-free hair, I was told that it is empowering, and it helps with getting to know the “real you.”  These women consider themselves to be queens who are getting back to their roots-literally and figuratively. They’ve become more eclectic with their style, and exude sexiness and class that they never knew they possessed.  It’s like their senses were awakened and revamped.  NEWSFLASH: your sexiness and class were there the entire time.  Your hair doesn’t make you.  YOU make you. 

While these queens are loving themselves, they are looking down on those who have not made the transition; and here we are again, segregated because of something as trivial as hair.  We are ALL QUEENS.  We suffer persecution on the daily simply because we are black women in America; we don’t need to be separated because your ish is nappy and your sista to the left has cascading, straight extensions. Shout out to you for doing whatever it takes to boost your confidence and make you feel more beautiful than you already are, but new, natty chicks need to shake this “Superiority Complex” (word to @Rik_FIair) from which they suffer because their hair’s state makes them better than NO ONE.
But, hey, what do I know? I’ve had natural hair for only 25 years, 6 months, 2 weeks, and 3 days; I highly doubt that I will receive any kind of accolade for that. It's just hair, but whatever.

Stay Up. Stay You.
C. sirraH

Monday, May 14, 2012

Keep Your Enemies Closer? Why, tho?


“Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.”  That is the dumbest cliché that I have ever heard next to “You can’t have your cake and eat it, too,” but we will visit that cliché at a different time.  Back to “Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.”  Think very long and hard about this saying.  Let it penetrate the lobes of your brain. *Counts three, two, one* Okay, that’s enough.  Exactly why would you want to keep your enemies close?  I mean, I understand the meaning of the cliché:  to know your opponents’ every thought, plan, move, and vulnerability.  If they choose to attack, then you will be prepared.  However, if you spend all of your time learning your enemies’ lives, then what life of yours is left?

In keeping the enemy close, trust and camaraderie must be established.  It is virtually impossible to know your enemy from afar.  In order to truly understand your enemy, his or her circle must be infiltrated; by doing so, the risk of liking the enemy becomes greater, making it easier to forget the purpose of your mission.  The fine line between friend and foe is blurred, and vulnerability becomes more apparent.  By befriending your enemy, (s)he may become privy to your mission, and in turn, use this once-pseudo-now-seemingly-real relationship against you, and guess what:  attack. 

I do not know about you, but I want to keep my enemies as far away as possible.  No lines will be crossed or blurred; no circles will be infiltrated; there will be no confusion between friend and foe; and there will be no vulnerability upon which to prey.  Living your life according to someone else’s potential moves is no way to live at all.  Being defensive will quickly consume you, and taint your thought pattern.  Soon before long, you’ll think everyone is out for your blood and well-being. 

I only need my family and close friends in my circle to lift me up when I fall.  I do not have time to filter who I believe will step on me while I’m down.  There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother –Proverbs 18:24 (New Living Translation).  Real friends:  an almost foreign concept.

You do not like me and I do not like you, and that is all right.  We can coexist.  We will just keep our distance, and mutual respect will forever be the sole bridge that links us.

Matthew 5:43-45

Stay Up.  Stay You.
C. sirraH